Becoming What You Need Me to Be

The Intelligence and Cost of Fawning, In the Body and in Relationship

Sometimes we can be deeply engaged with another person and still be almost absent from the encounter ourselves. We are listening, responding, reading the room, sensing what is needed… and somewhere inside all that responsiveness, our own impulse becomes harder to find.

When connection feels uncertain, charged or at risk, this orientation towards the other can become fast and reflexive. We begin appeasing, accommodating or shaping ourselves around what seems most likely to preserve safety, approval or connection.

This is often described as fawning: a relational stress response in which our attention and behaviour begin organising around the other person.

Much of this happens beneath conscious awareness. We may not experience it as a response at all. Over time, it can become woven into our sense of who we are: I’m easygoing. I don’t get angry. I’m just very caring. I don’t mind. The adaptation becomes familiar enough that it starts to feel like identity.

And because it happens so quickly, the adaptation can feel completely sincere.

We may genuinely believe we are fine, interested, happy to go along with something. Sometimes the body has already ‘agreed’ before we have had time to know what we want. We smile, soften, reassure, move closer, say yes: while something in us may be tense, hesitant, irritated, or wanting to move away.

This is part of what can make fawning so difficult to recognise from the outside and the inside.

Fawning is a kind of relational shapeshifting, and there is real intelligence in it. To sense subtle changes in another person, read the room and respond quickly can be an extraordinary relational capacity.

The cost comes when I become so practised at feeling you that it becomes difficult to feel me: what I want, what I need, where my boundaries are, what is actually happening inside me.

The body often tells us afterwards through exhaustion, resentment, numbness. A need to withdraw or a sense that the interaction cost us more than we realised at the time.

The body may have registered the places where we went past ourselves, even when another part of us has explained them away.

Sometimes it is only later that we realise: that wasn’t actually what I wanted.

This weekend is an invitation to slow this process down and explore fawning where it actually happens: in the body, in the present moment, and in relationship.

We are interested in what lives underneath the fawning. The impulse that got negotiated away: the anger, desire, resistance, need or expression.

Rather than only talking about these patterns from a distance, we will bring them into present-moment exploration. We will notice what happens in the body as an impulse emerges, what happens when we own it, and what happens between us when we allow more of it to be there.

Over the weekend, we will explore:

⧫ Noticing what the body tells us during and after an interaction: tension, numbness, exhaustion, ease, expansion, the need for distance

⧫ How we shape ourselves around others, and sometimes around the group or relational field as a whole

⧫ Tracking the moments where an impulse arises and then gets inhibited, softened or redirected

⧫ Reconnecting with our own sense of preference, direction, desire & what feels true for us

⧫ Building nervous system capacity to stay present with and communicate impulses, needs, boundaries and wishes in connection with others

⧫ Experimenting with what happens when we allow more resistance, desire, expression or aliveness to move through the body

⧫ What becomes possible in relationship when there is more room to feel ourselves while staying connected with others

We will work through movement, bodywork, nervous system awareness, relational practice and present-moment experiential inquiry.

“Working with shame and innocence may be one of the most challenging aspects of consciousness development. Markus and Marysia are able to create a powerful and safe holding field in which personal themes such as shame, judgment, criticism, and failure are touched on a deep level. Their approach is both precise and inspiring. In their collaboration, they maintain a clear balance, always allowing participants to stay in touch with their own agency — no matter how vulnerable the process becomes. Their interventions are honest and supportive, never directive, always inviting. Through this, it became clear how the willingness to fully feel shame can open the door to innocence — and with it, to one’s own potential and essence. I was deeply moved — both in my resistance to personal themes and in my inspiration. What was touched continues to resonate within me.”

"I’ve been left with a deep sense of satisfaction, like some long-held patterns have shifted, and new insights have emerged. So much unfolded over the two days… The realization that confrontation can actually lead to clarity and deeper connection is something I’ll be processing for a while. I also really appreciated that we were given enough space afterward to feel how the interpersonal dynamics had shifted. Incredible"

"Thank you. It really felt like a gift to do this workshop with you. It’s hard to put into words what exactly took place. I felt a deep connection to my pelvis and so much power, I never felt that connection so strongly before, a kind of primal energy. I felt very empowered and alive and very intuitive. A way of accepting darkness in me and connecting deeper to my intuition, it was truly amazing."

"I felt very self connected during the workshop, the sense of slowing down and Marysia being so natural enabled me to follow the flow of my body. Meeting myself and others in different energies - from stillness to juiciness to raw power. Where I usually end up ‘doing something’, I felt that during this workshop the energies were invited from the inside. I felt so empowered after tasting what is inside me!"

"It completely shifted my perception — from seeing shame as something woven into my skin, to understanding it as part of the broader human experience. In this workshop, I witnessed extraordinary bravery, support, and the profound significance of listening, being present & communicating in navigating shame. I learned that shame doesn’t always require fixing or panicking. Instead, it can be met with curiosity — and, when possible, with the safety of being surrounded by others who can hold it with you. I feel deeply grateful to have gone through this experience with the incredible but always gentle & professional guidance from Marysia & Markus. Together, they created an environment grounded in honesty & safety, and they were always there to give us the tools to support each other in this process, but most notably ourselves too."

Practicalities

⧫ Dates: Sat 21st and Sun 22nd November 2026

⧫ Timings: 10:00 – 18:00 with a lunch break

(Please arrive at 9:45; the workshop will start at 10:00)

⧫ Location: De Ruimte (upstairs), Weesperzijde 79A, 1091 EJ Amsterdam

⧫ Integration call: Tuesday 1st December, 7:30–8:45pm

Registration:

⧫ To register, send an email to workshops@schnizer.nl ⧫

Early bird pricing by 26th October: € 345,00*

Standard pricing from 27th October: € 395,00*

* Price including VAT for private individuals, excluding VAT for businesses.

Invoices will be only issued to businesses.

Cancellation policy – (Non-Medical Reason)

Until 26th October 2026: 50% refund

27th October 2026 onwards: no refunds

For questions feel free to reach out to: workshops@schnizer.nl or marysia.pst@gmail.com

⧫ About us ⧫

Marysia and Markus are both bodyworkers, and have been working together for several years. A lot of what brings them together is a shared fascination with the body’s innate intelligence, and with what can open up when we slow down enough to really listen.

Their work together has grown through weekends exploring Shame and Innocence, anger as a life-giving creative force (Emerging Radiance), and now fawning… themes that keep appearing in their sessions, their own lives, and the wider territory of being human.

They are both deeply interested in tracking what is happening in the body, staying with what is here, and becoming more skilful at meeting experience without rushing to fix, override or escape it.

For them, the work is not about getting rid of difficult responses. It is about listening closely enough to understand what they are doing, and developing more choice and freedom in how we move with them.

They love creating spaces that are real, exploratory, relational and playful, with room for both depth and lightness.

Becoming What You Need Me to Be

The Intelligence and Cost of Fawning, In the Body and in Relationship

Registration:

⧫ About us ⧫

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