Last year, I had a recurring experience in my session room that really got me thinking.
Several clients came to me eager for an intense emotional experience, only to feel disappointed when by a certain point in the session, they hadn’t yet had a ‘big release.’
This got me questioning:
• Why does so much of the healing narrative in ‘conscious’ circles hinge on emotional release?
• Is it really a measure of progress? Or just a familiar sign that we’ve been taught to chase, a big confirmation that we’re “doing it right” or moving in the “right direction”?
• Are the models of emotion this thinking is based on even accurate? Is it really true that emotions can be released from the body and psyche like steam from a kettle?
• Are we addicted to the release itself—and to the hormonal cocktail of cortisol, adrenaline, prolactin, oxytocin etc that comes with it?
Through this, I realised I needed to clarify my approach and distinguish myself from the “release-seeking” paradigm I often see in the circles around me.
There’s nuance here: I’m not part of the ‘every intense emotion needs to be downregulated’ camp either.
Dysregulation can be part of the process, and sometimes it’s necessary for integration.
Tears, emotions, and moving charge — these are absolutely part of my work.
But I’m strongly against orienting toward them as the *goal* or using them as a measure of success.
Why? Because it can so easily become a distraction.
Emotional release isn’t always healing.
In fact, from my experience, too much of it can make our systems brittle and fragmented (I’ve felt this in my own body, having done plenty of release-oriented work in the past).
Some of the most impactful shifts I’ve seen—both in my own life and in my work with others—have been subtle, quiet, and gentle and have often involved staying with ambiguity and paradox.
Rather than forcing emotion, I’ve learned that staying with the energy of the unknown, allowing it to guide us, can begin to unfreeze stuck places.
Paradoxically, this often feels less satisfying in the moment than a big ‘release’.
The truth is, those who expect and seek a release are often the ones who benefit from it the least.
It can be a well-worn path in the system that might feel good and relieving in the moment but can keep us stuck in unhelpful loops and addiction to intensity.
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